Assessment

General Assembly has been over for nearly a week and, aside from a couple days head-in-sand, I've been thinking a lot about what I learned, what I saw, what I heard. A lot of it had to do with privilege and oppression.

Since I've been asked to serve as the head of the Diversity Action Group of my church's board, I paid a lot of attention to matters of diversity, race, oppression, and privilege. I thought it would be an interesting exercise to count my blessings or, in AR/AO/MC (Anti-Racism, Anti-Oppression, Multiculturalism) terms, acknowledge my privileges in relation to the society and culture that I live in.

• I am male.

People - in general - accord me more power and more relevance than they do women. In general, I get paid more and have better chances for advancement in my chosen career (plus, I have more career options).


• I am Caucasian.

Being white - whether examined or not - gives me a plethora of social advantages, subtle and overt. I am not targeted as a potential criminal. I am not viewed as less intelligent, less hard-working, less responsible to my family. I get paid more and have better chances for advancement in my chosen career.


• I am paid a living wage (and then some).

I have (relative) economic security. I owe a lot of money on a house but even that gives me a lot of economic clout. All my potential whims and tastes are valued and marketed to. I can get pretty much anything I want.


• I am 50 years old.

I am given the benefit of doubt in matters of experience. I am not treated like an "inexperienced youth" or a "radical" nor am I so old that others view me as being "old-fashioned" or "conservative".


• Most view me as heterosexual.

I am not denigrated for being non-heterosexual. No verbal abuse, no physical abuse. I have full rights to marry and have it recognized in every state.


• I feel that I am heterosexual.

Even considering my family story, I still default to a heterosexist world-view.


• I am a citizen of the United States of America.

I get the benefits of being a privileged member of the richest society on Earth. I can get anything I can afford (or almost afford).


• I have a college education and a bachelor's degree.

People assume that I am smart merely because I went to college. I don't have to prove it over and over again.


• I am part of the power structure in my church

Since I am visible in my congregation and I contribute both time and money and because I am a don't-make-waves/don't ruffle feathers sort of person, I have been invited to be a leader in my church.

I recognize that these privileges puts me into the group of people that benefits from institutionalized oppression. What I am less sure of is how to fix it, how to change the power structures so that we all have equal power and equal access to power.

Working through the Building the Dream curriculum (my shorter name for Building the World We Dream About) that my congregation is testing, I finally realize that I'm not stupid for not understanding all this stuff consciously, innately. I wonder if we need an identity-based ministry for white people. I'm not sure whether Allies for Racial Equity fits that bill.

Watch This...

You gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?"



Well, do ya, Punk?

Humor

In response to my news on Monday of my colonoscopy and my daughters car wreck, my brother wrote: "Glad to hear about your rear end, sorry to hear about your front end."

Ha!

Also, the Prius is not totaled! We should have it back in a month.

Taarna's question: What do I value most? I value humor as a tool to help handle the rough times and family to provide support (humorous and otherwise) when it's needed.

Good News, Bad News

I had several good news/bad news moments today.

1. Bad News: went in for my sigmoidoscopy (only 13,000 feet of tube, not the whole 17,000 feet (read that link before continuing).
   Good News: Apparently, "Flying Colors" are various shades of pink. At least, that's what I saw on the screen when the Doc said that I came through with Flying Colors.
   Side notes: I didn't get Abba. No drugs (good or otherwise). I was in and out of there in 40 minutes (including checking in!) and there was no recovery room where I could play the... uh, "trumpet" The tech said, "Pull up your pants, go out the door and to your left to the exit." He was courteous enough to leave off the "don't let the door hit you on your newly-sensitive behindular zone on the way out" part. So I had to drive home with an uncomfortable gut. All was better within an hour and a half, though, so don't any of you think you should get out of doing it.


2. Bad News: My daughter was caught in the middle of a four-car pile-up this afternoon. I would not be surprised if our Prius is totaled.
   Good News: No one was injured. I drove up and picked her up at the scene of the accident. The Highway Patrol officer was very kind and complemented her on her handling of her first accident. She did all the right things aside from being in the wrong place at the wrong time.


3. Bad News: My mom's cancer diagnosis is confirmed.
   Good News: They're starting her on a six-month chemo course tomorrow. That is a significantly better prognosis than I was expecting.

As strange as it sounds, all in all, this was a much better day than it could have been. I definitely flashed on Taarna's accident when my daughter called to say she'd been in an accident. I didn't panic at any of this news and I'm weirdly calm. I don't believe that I am in shock or denial.

Taarna's question: What do I value most? I value acceptance of reality as it happens and the flexibility to adjust my actions to cope with it.

Revelation

Since about Sunday, I've been back on the Protein Power induction plan that I had such good success with several years ago. (This time for sure, Rocky!) Monday and Tuesday I felt ecstatic! I was dropping weight and feeling good, confident, powerful.

Wednesday evening I ate some very yummy taco casserole. The bottom of the dish is lined with corn tortillas then layered on top are beans, ground meat (turkey, I think), sour cream and cheese. I knew I should avoid the tortilla level but - dang! - it was tasty! I ate two servings.

Now, realize that I really don't to the beating-myself-up thing. Nutritional vacations come and go. No big deal. I get back on the bike and keep going. Then, I started feeling cravings. *sigh* I decided not to take any of the left-overs for lunch because I didn't want to go through that at work today.

Then, I started feeling stupid. Again, I don't mean that in a beat-myself-up way. I started feeling slower, duller, weak. What sprang to mind was Flowers for Algernon. That feeling was a real bummer. I started feeling down, too. The feeling lasted through this morning and started to lift. By this evening I felt good, again.

My name is ScottMGS and I am a carboholic.

Sometimes I wonder if Graham and Kellogg could have been right (in a very wrong way). There's a lot of salacious information on them here.

Taarna's question: What do I value most? I value self-reflection and the insight I can gain by paying attention.

Gratitude

I am grateful for the people in my life that give me things to think about (whether you know it or not). Your ideas, challenges and contradictions feed the mill that is my mind. You all make a difference and for that, I'm grateful.

Transition II

It has always been my habit to try to control everything around me. I've suppressed that in my life, knowing that "It's not fair." Now, I see that I need to do what I need to do for internally-driven reasons.

The egalitarian ideal is just that, an ideal. It can never be implemented faithfully, try as people might, and I waste my time and energy trying to conform. There is always a power balance that favors some and is denied others. I have been feeling the stirrings of my own power for several years but I've been whining and fearful about using it, afraid that it not fair to other people, that I would be making choices for them.

Now, I see it differently. I can't empower people to do what they want and need while holding myself back. If nothing else, being in charge of myself is a good example! My community, my family and my friends need me to do what I need to do just like I need them to do what they need to do.

Dang! That sounds so... libertarian!

Taarna's question: What do I value most? I value the ability to transform myself to define who I am and make myself more useful to the world.